Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Life

Enough, and More

Love is at once complex and simple.

To love someone is often simple. We may be drawn to an individual in ways that defy cognition. We resonate to that individual--to his touch, his smell, his voice.

This part is easy. We cannot, in many cases, help who we love. We love despite ourselves.

The complexity is in the logistics.

And in the fit.

Sometimes we come to find that no matter how much we love another, our life does not fit with his. Try as we might to force this fit, it simply cannot be made to happen.

Which we may only acknowledge after years of painful trying. Perhaps, even, after marrying and having children together.

While working towards a love, and the act of loving, is highly laudable, it can also be achingly ill-advised.

Decades into a relationship, the dismantling of a shared life may be the unfortunate result.

The dismantling of shared life and love rarely takes place without a sense of bitterness and regret; sadness and frustration.

Especially when those involved feel that they have done all they could to make things fit together.

Inevitably there is a feeling of being under-appreciated for all that was attempted, typically from both sides.

When really, the issue was not "being enough."

Rather, it was having the "right fit."

It was having shared vision and goals; it was looking forward in the same direction.

It was being able to work through a complex set of logistics--or even having the desire to do so in the first place.

Love is simple, and also complex.

It should not be squandered, nor should it be taken lightly. 

It should not be assumed that a shared life is the inevitable conclusion.

It should not be assumed that a shared life cannot be made to work.

To love may be simple.

To live love, despite its complexities, near to divine.

 

Popham walk

February 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Cliff Walk

When my children were small, their father and I backpacked them everywhere.

We hiked in Vermont and New Hampshire.

We walked trails both coastal and mountainous in our dear state of Maine.

We shoehorned in numerous adventures while completing our medical and legal educations, and working the endless hours required by early professional careers.

It was important that we get outdoors, and connect our kids with the "something bigger" that we both had experienced growing up.

Time passed, and our kids got older. School and sports-related activities bumped our outdoor adventures down the list of priorities.

The outdoor adventures I had once shared became mostly solo jaunts.

My family shifted, and changed form.

This past weekend, I returned to that shared "something bigger" connection, as I took two short hikes with my dearest one.

I showed him the Bates-Morse Mountain hike to Seawall Beach/Popham; he brought me to the Cliff Walk at Prouts Neck. The first was unfamiliar to him; the second unfamiliar to me.

I enjoyed his company, the beautiful oddly-out-of-sync February weather and the scenery.

I also found myself awash in physical memories of earlier days. 

I found myself returning to past hikes with my children and their father. Re-connecting with the experiences that had once been so crucial to my life, and the life of my young family.

It would have been easy to know regret and sadness over these lost days; easy to mourn something that no longer is.

But, instead, I allowed the past memories to be what they were:  joyous recollections.

I found myself singing as I navigated the rock-strewn Cliff Walk. It was as if the overtones of sadness and regret associated with those memories were taking flight from my body and ascending as balloons to the sky.

Making way for new memories. 

Making way for a new life.

And I knew that although my children were no longer always able to be with me in physical form, I would carry them with me in spirit forever.

We would each continue to connect with that "something bigger" in our own ways.

And, in doing so, would connect with one another as well.

 

Prouts Neck, low tide

February 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

Former Home Farewell

I returned today to the house that my former husband and I once shared, with the purpose of discussing a few clean-up tasks. My former husband met me there.

Our conversation was civil (as it typically is) and businesslike.

Just before leaving, however, I asked if he had found the process as depressing as I had.

He admitted that we were of like mind.

Later in the day, he told me that he had previously refrained from returning to our shared house, because he felt as if it were mocking him.

This is the house I had lived in alone since last spring.

This is the house I moved out of because I could no longer bear the whispers of grief that bounced off of its walls.

I was surprised by how sad I felt to be in the house with my former husband. We have worked through much and have a good relationship now.

But our relationship is based on largely separate lives, rather than the one we once shared.

Returning to the "scene of the crime" brought the shared memories crashing back.

Memories of the past few years include many that cause pain to course through my heart and soul.  These are memories of an increasingly distant relationship, failed communications and deep longing for something that would never again be whole.

But with them, once the veil of sorrow parts, are other memories. Memories of three children and their laughter. Birthdays. Baseball games. Hugs. Warmth.

And gratitude. Gratitude for a home that kept us safe and sheltered.

Gratitude for a relationship that is shifting into a friendship.

Gratitude for love that I have known, and continue to know even as it takes a different form.

I wish my former husband well. I thank him for the time we shared together within the walls of our former home.

I thank him for returning with me to say goodbye.

Moved

I have a new vantage point from which to compose this blog. I have moved, and I am happy. My life is bountiful, indeed.

For the past few weeks I have been preparing for a move from my previous home. This home, as faithful blog post readers may recall, is the one I shared with my three children and their father.

It was the home I had hoped might (help) save our faltering marriage. 

It did not.

The marriage ended, the house went on the market in July, and in September my oldest child departed for a yearlong stint in Guatemala.

This left my two daughters and I rattling around in an overly large, overly empty house. Memories of happier days filled us with quiet grief.

Potential buyers regularly traipsed through our space, rupturing our solitude.

Late last fall I determined that, although our former home had not sold, a change of venue was in order.

It was time to find a space that could again become ours.

We are now in such a space.

Though boxes surround us and much unpacking awaits, I am certain that my decision was the correct one.

I had frequent doubts in the time leading up to the move. There were many important decisions to be made, and it was strange to be making them without the benefit of a spouse.

It was also strange to be packing an entire house primarily by myself.

But I pushed through the trepidation--and the myriad details necessitated by the move--and tonight find myself in a new home, blessedly content.

Creating a blog post while watching the sun slide behind the treetops that frame the nearby river.

Admiring a smoky trail of magenta laid across the February sky.

Moved, and happy.

 

new view

February 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

16, my sweet

January 25, 1996 was an auspicious day.

It was the day my Abigail Marie drew her first breath on this earth; it was the day I had a little girl to match my little boy.

Now my little girl is the sweetest of ages: the magical 16.

And I hope that this year will bring her much joy. Though, simultaneously, I am cognizant that joy will not alone be her lot.

I must admit that I love this girl of mine so much it hurts at times.

My Abby long ago ceased to be the baby held against my chest; long ago ceased to need my song lulling her to sleep in the moonlight.

Long ago ceased to carry the name "Nala," as given to her by her big brother, in honor of the girl cub in his favorite movie, The Lion King.

Now, my Abby is a womanchild: one foot still planted in childhood, one foot crossing the threshold of adulthood.

And, with this crossing, the certain undertaking of things adult.

The undertaking of adult situations; adult emotions.

I have seen this take place already. Seen her pain. Felt, myself, bodily hurt and heartsick at her misfortune.

Felt helpless and sorrowful at my inability to shield her from things difficult.

And, at once, fully aware that all happens as it must.

My darling Abby is, at sixteen, eligible to know the sweetness of a larger life.

Eligible to know a greater richness and a more succulent joy.

With which is often coupled the stark contrast of other emotions, less welcome.

My little Nala will remain with me always. Her pain will always be my pain; her joy my joy.

And though I know she rarely reads my words, I will leave her with this, on the off chance today she might:

Happiest of birthdays to you, my dearest Abigail Marie.

Thank you for the auspiciousness which you bestowed upon the day of your birth.

And for every day since.

 

Abby, enthroned on the Alice-in-Wonderland chair

Boston 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

 

Airborne & Grounded

Is it better to be grounded or inclined to fly?

The answer depends upon the situation.

This past weekend I stayed on the 8th floor of a hotel with floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the Hudson River in New York City.

This particular hotel is situated, on stilts, above the High Line Park.

I spent a portion of each day in NYC walking about with my dearest one. We explored museums and restaurants; we saw "Wicked" on Broadway.

We spent time at Ground Zero and the Trinity Church on Wall Street, honoring the souls whose physical lives were lost on September 11th.

It was interesting and fun to spend time up in the air; it was similarly interesting to once again be in contact with the ground.

We need both in our lives.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine there are important acupuncture points to be found at either end of the body: both the soles of our feet and the top of our heads.  

One set of points keeps us connected with what is below us, and one keeps us connected with what is above.

When we are able to maintain each of these connections, we are better able to stay in alignment with our lives.

And it is this alignment that was so clearly the message to me this weekend: that in this next phase of my life I must equally spend time with what grounds me as what gives me wings.

I must, like the Greek God Janus, for whom my birth month is named, be able to simultaneously look back into my past and forward into my future.

This notion has become the basis of my integrative medical practice and my writing. It informs the programs we create for our radio show.

It is a theme I ponder often with my patients.

And, this birthday weekend, both grounded and airborne in New York City, I understood its importance once more.

 

Central Park, 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

Happy Dragon New Year!

For those who follow Chinese culture, or more specifically, Chinese astrology, today marks the turning of the year.

The remainder of 2012 will be the Year of the Dragon.

The dragon is the only mythical creature represented in the twelve year Chinese zodiac cycle. Each of the other eleven creatures are animals. The animal represented in my birth year, for example, is the dog. My children were born in the years of the rooster, pig and snake.

Also important to the Chinese zodiac cycle are the five elements: wood, fire, earth, metal and water.  These rotate as well. 2012 is a water year.

The powerful dragon represents good fortune, and appears often in Chinese festivals and celebrations.  Dragons are known to be flamboyant and free-spirited. The water element is thought to have a temporizing effect on the often mercurial dragon.

The Year of the Water Dragon, itself a year of peace, prosperity and abundance, initiates a twelve year cycle of good fortune.

I, for one, am excited to greet the Year of the Water Dragon. Like many people in our nation (and the world at large) I have found the last few years to be somewhat intense.

My financial situation took several rather interesting turns.

It is hard to turn down an offer of peace, prosperity and abundance. 

I know many people feel the same way--regardless of whether the Chinese astrology has a place of any particular import in our lives.

Thus I offer my friends, family and readers all the best in this time of beginnings.

May the Year of the Water Dragon be replete with the blessings of this mythical creature. 

 

arising from the depths

Cousins Island Bridge, 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

Time Only

Five years ago my friend died.

Her life ended. My life shifted, dramatically.

My life had been in the process of shifting, but January 18, 2007 was a significant demarcation point, nonetheless.

It was the day I realized that there is no time to lose.

It was the day I realized that days spent unhappy are lost days.

It took me a long time to get to the place of believing this.

Forever I had been taught to accept what was. I had been taught that to ask for more would demonstrate ingratitude.

I knew that I was fortunate. I was grateful for my good fortune.

But I also knew that I could no longer accept what was.

Because in doing so, I was wasting time.

And time is ultimately all we have.

Until one day, like my friend Hanley,

we don't.

Guatemala City

2011

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

KGC

All of us have our 'demons.'

These are the entities that dance about in our heads, keeping us distracted and unable to focus.

These are our thoughts about torments, past and present. These are our fears about the future.

I like to call them "Karmic Game Changers."

But they are only KGCs if we recognize them as such. Otherwise they are simply demons.

And they are demons that will dance in our heads until we die.

If we befriend the KGCs and acknowledge their importance, they may be able to help us make important changes.

Some of us have relationship demons: past hurts and wrongs that have been done to us, and we have done to others.

Some of us have financial demons: mistakes we have made that have impacted our ability to live in a fiscally responsible manner.

Demons of every sort can be found in the minds of our fellow planet dwellers.

The more menacing and scary the demons, the more important it is to acknowledge them as KGCs.

Next time the demons begin to dance, take the time to reflect on why they are doing so at that particular time. Is there an action you are taking that might be sending you back down the wrong path?

Or is there something you could do differently?

Can you sit with your discomfort long enough to make a better decision than the one you might be making?

Can you be proactive, rather than reactive?

If you can sit with your demon discomfort and chose to be proactive (try taking a few deep breaths or counting to ten as you ponder this), you are engaging the energy of your KGCs.

Practice doing this every chance you get.

Because over time, your demons will indeed stop dancing...and eventually disappear.

Leaving you changed--and grateful for the presence of your KGCs.

 

Street & Co.

2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

Surprise Me

I favor people of the unpredictable variety.

Not outrageously unpredictable--just unpredictable enough to keep things interesting.

I especially enjoy people who surprise me with their ability to take on different roles, and transition as life transitions.

One of my tasks as a physician is to help people see patterns that keep them doing things they'd rather not.

Plenty of people see their patterns, and decide that they are not dissatisfied enough to make changes.

A small minority either don't see their patterns, or deny that they are present.

It is the people who see their patterns, and decide to become unpredictable, that bring me greatest joy.

I witness them lamenting, complaining and ultimately muddling through the issues that threaten to keep them chained to their old existence.

I see them refuse to be pigeonholed or otherwise categorized in any predictable way.

Then I meet them as they emerge on the other side of their pattern-break.

It is a wonder to behold.

And highly entertaining.

I've been a doctor long enough so that I am rarely befuddled by the change process.

I don't tend to take things personally. If people choose not to change, it is not my loss. If they choose to change, it is not my victory.

But I have the benefit of the surprise. I get to enjoy the unpredictability of the situation.

And I also get to see the unpredictable eventually become predictable in a better way, as new patterns are set in place.

I favor people of the unpredictable variety.

So go ahead.

Surprise me.

 

January morn

2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.