I am the oldest of ten children. My twin sisters (the next oldest), Amy and Adelle, were born 19 months after I. My youngest brother, Peter, joined the family when I was sixteen.
My first child hit the scene when I was 22.
Needless to say, my life has been blessed with the precious bodies of many, large and small. I have had near-constant companionship.
Being an older sibling meant that I was often called on to be "responsible." I was asked to babysit. To help my mother with household chores. To keep an eye on the little ones when we went out in public.
In other words, to do my part. The same way in which my parents did their part, and my other siblings did theirs. We all chipped in and helped. We were responsible for one another.
We continue to be responsible for one another even now. Though we are scattered far and wide, from Djibouti to Seattle; from Oklahoma to Ohio, we still stay in touch. We still care about one another's emotional and physical well-being.
We are still responsible for one another. And now we are each responsible for our own families.
I must admit, I always itched a bit under the descriptor "responsible." I was, eternally, thought of and called the "responsible oldest sister," the "responsible young mother," the "responsible doctor."
Which was true. I was responsible, and am.
But, whereas the word "responsible" once felt like a yoke of duty laid across my unwilling shoulders, over the years it has become what it was always meant to be. It means that I am "answerable (to another, for something)." I have the ability to answer. I have--as the Latin root 'respondere' suggests--the capacity to respond.
I am response-able.
Thus, no longer do I see myself as doing what I should, because I must. Now I see myself having the ability to do what is right for my siblings, children, patients and others, based on a given set of circumstances. I truly see myself responding; answering.
In his book Warrior of the Light
, Paulo Coelho writes "A responsible Warrior is not someone who takes the weight of the world on his shoulders, but someone who has learned to deal with the challenges of the moment."
I have, through much trial and error, become relatively competent when it comes to dealing with the challenges presented to me at a given moment.
Of course, my response to these challenges is not always what others might expect. My answer may not follow conventional wisdom. It may, in fact, not be what others want to hear.
But being responsible doesn't mean toeing the party line. It doesn't mean doing what everyone else tells us to. Being responsible means using our own judgement; tapping into our own base of knowledge and experience before making decisions. Being responsible means making the best decisions possible when we are asked to be "answerable to another, for something."
It is that middle piece of that phrase that becomes the most important: "to another."
When I was younger, I was answerable to my parents, for the safety of my siblings. Over the years, I've been answerable to teachers, bosses and other authority figures.
And all of these still hold true. But now I am most answerable to myself. And, if one believes in these things (which I do), to a higher power. Call it/him God. Call it the Universe. Call it the Great Spirit.
To me it matters not what this higher power is called. For simplicity's sake (and in honor of my Catholic/Christian upbringing), I will use the term "God."
When it comes to the precious bodies (and souls) of those for whom I am responsible, it is to God that I must answer.
God has given me siblings and children. God has given me responsibility.
God has given me response-ability.
God has given me the opportunity, and the ability, to be answerable for the lives of others: Amy, Adelle, Peter. My other siblings and family members. My children. My patients. My friends. My colleagues.
I chose to accept this responsibility, and answer to God.
I chose, as best I can, to respond.
Camp Soci, January 2011
