Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Life

Don't forget to look at the stars.

Find the moon, whenever possible, in the night sky.

Admire the late day shadows.

Bask in the sun's morning glow.

Pay attention to the trees, and the patterns made by their bare branches.

Watch, carefully, the forest creatures that venture forth across the fields.

Breathe it all in.

Live this one life.

Quietly ecstatic.

These are the lessons I have learned from the world.

These are the lessons I hope my children will have learned one day.

There are many things to distract us from these important lessons.

We are told, from our earliest years, that we must "earn a living."

And, truly, this is so.

We all must find a way to take care of our basic human needs, and the needs of our families.

But isn't it also true that we have already, by virtue of being alive, earned the privilege of living?

And what is living, if not being present in our lives?

Quietly ecstatic over the fact that we draw breath.

The days will pass. Time will restructure our families; our bodies.

Just as it rearranges the moon in the night sky, and the bare branches of the trees.

Don't forget to stop and enjoy all that accompanies you on this Earthly path.

Don't forget to stop and look at the stars.

Royal River

January 2013

The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is broadcast every Sunday at 7am & noon, and available as a free podcast. Listen in and become part of our growing community.

When my son was small, he had a friend who was not an easy child.

That friend would come to our house, and I would have great sympathy for his parents.

I, the oldest of ten children, and a seasoned caretaker of countless children, found him challenging.

I would also have great sympathy for the child.

I understood what it was like to interact with a world that didn't always seem to make sense for people with different learning and coping abilities.

Over the years, I watched as this child's parents (well-educated professionals living in a suburban community with an above average median income and excellent schools), slowly lost the ability to cope with their child as a couple.

The strain on their marriage became too intense.

They eventually divorced.

Both of these parents are still involved in this child's life. He survived his adolescence and so did they.

The same cannot be said of the child who grew up to mastermind the Sandy Hook tragedy.

We may never know what difficulties he had with learning or coping. We may never know what specific adversity he encountered.

We do know that he was living with his single mother, who is now dead.

She was the parent who stayed behind: the one awarded custody of her 17-year-old son at the time of her divorce from his father.

We will never know what family complexities led to that decision. 

As I suggested yesterday, there are no easy answers to the question of why this tragedy took place.

A reader of the blog asked why I might place blame upon the mother, and not the absent father?

After all, what is not done is just as important as what is done.

The person who leaves is often just as culpable as the one who stays.

The reader's point is a good one. 

Still, we are left with no easy answers. 

Just an uneasy child, who became an uneasy adult, and created an unfathomable tragedy.

Now, we need to figure out--as best we can--why.

autumn, 2011

The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcasts airs Sundays at 7am & noon.

Tragedy, like cancer, is a multi-factorial disease.

Although there are often strong direct causal links between a genetic or environmental precursor, and manifesting cancer, rarely can one single thing be blamed.

Instead, multiple issues come into play. Our family history. The strength of our immune systems. What we eat and whether we smoke.

Tragedy is a multi-factorial disease of our civilization.

We might like to believe that a tragedy like Sandy Hook came about overnight. It seems unexpected, senseless, and beyond comprehension.

Which, in many ways, it is.

But there are certain things that may be comprehended, should we chose to examine the situation more closely.

There are countless contributing factors to this tragedy, many of which were put in motion years before the youngest victims were even born.

Do we blame the gunman? Yes. He, ultimately, pulled the trigger. Repeatedly.

Of course, he is dead now. Blaming him doesn't leave us feeling very satisfied.

Do we blame his mother? Maybe. Perhaps she had information she might have shared with authorities, preventing this from happening. On the other hand, maybe she tried to warn people of her son's mental and emotional struggles--tried to get help, unsuccessfully.

Of course, she is dead now, too.

Do we blame a failure of school security? Do we blame the lack of mental health resources in the community? Do we blame a lack of gun control?  Do we blame news outlets for sensationalizing violence? Do we blame video game makers and social media for creating a false sense of the world, and promoting disconnection from reality? Do we blame a culture that alienates individuals who do not function well within the mainstream and eventually become embittered and vengeful?

Maybe, but that might not be particularly satisfying either.

Especially since, in the final analysis, much of the above came about because of decisions that each of us as individuals made or failed to make within our greater society.

Tragedy, like cancer, is a multi-factorial disease.

There are no easy answers. 

We can attempt to assign blame, or we can harness the energy of our grief and anger to seek change.

As with cancer, we may not be able to prevent all potential tragedies from happening, but we can at least make our best effort.

Otherwise we will find ourselves, in the not too distant future, mourning the loss of innocent lives once again.

tears in heaven

 2012

How is the Sandy Hook tragedy impacting you? Visit our Dr. Lisa page on Facebook and share your feelings with our community.

What comfort may be taken from a national tragedy?

In the faces of the Sandy Hook families, we see ourselves reflected.

We are sickened by the senseless forfeiture of lives.

We grieve the innocence ripped from our grasp.

And we feel the holiday season irreparably tarnished.

Yet, in this dark hour,  comfort may be found.

Comfort may be found in the knowledge that we, as a nation, mourn.

A common bond of humanity connects us: one universal heart, broken.

We are not alone in our sadness.

We are not alone in our love for our children.

There are things that we each--and virtually all--hold dear.

Be comforted, my friends.

Your nation grieves with you.

autumn 2012

Join us for the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour "Comfort" show, this Sunday at 7 am & noon. Guests include the Center for Grieving Children and Hospice of Southern Maine.