Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Life

Loyalty, Trust & Friendship

Last year I was at a charity event when a friend's name came up.

This friend has supported me both personally and professionally for several years.

I know him to be a loyal and trustworthy individual.

Thus I was surprised when his name, in the course of conversation, was linked to less than favorable comments.

The accusations that were made, simply by virtue of having been made at all, could have impacted my friend's career and livelihood.

The accuser, someone I had never met (who happened to be in the same industry as my friend), made his claims boldly and in the presence of an entire table full of charity event-goers.

Fortunately, there were two other people at the table who (like me) knew my friend to be an upstanding and honorable man. We defended this individual, who had impacted each of us positively.

Later, I had a conversation with our friend and let him know about these rumors. Without being angry or upset, he told me that his accuser was a competitor in his field, and that there was no truth to the charges being made. 

It was a distinctly difficult conversation to have.

Yet I was willing to have it. I value my friend and all the ways in which he has supported me.

This can be the hardest thing of all: to let someone know that they have been accused of something damaging.

We want to protect our friends, and we want to protect ourselves.

We don't want to get into a distasteful situation where our own motives might be called into question.

We don't want to get into a situation where ugly rumors might actually turn out to be true.

But that is what friends are for.

Friends are those who show up, and have the hard conversations.

They let us know what the world is saying about us, whether or not they believe it to be true.

Friends don't simply wash their hands of us, so that they might create a more comfortable distance for themselves.

A year later, my own friend and I still support one another personally and professionally.

It is good to know who our friends are, and to keep them close.

Loyalty, trust and friendship are precious gems indeed.

 

Flowers and a Guitar

January 2013

The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast airs each Sunday at 7 am & noon. Download the podcast through iTunes. 

 

Embracing

Have you had your heart broken?

Me, too.

I doubt there is a human alive who can claim differently.

We who chose to love are choosing to make ourselves vulnerable to heartbreak. 

Even as we are opening ourselves to joy.

The joy that comes from loving is due in part to knowing that we are connected to all others who have chosen to love. 

As philosopher Martin Buber wrote, "“The world is not comprehensible, but it is embraceable through the embracing of one of its beings.” 

Buber described the difference between "I-Thou" and "I-It" relationships.

When we see another person as an "It" object, we are unable to recognize that person's humanity. We keep him at a distance.

When we embrace that person as a "Thou," we are better able to understand our commonality.

As a doctor, and a human, I am highly aware of my vulnerability.

I hear my patients stories, and from them I hear my story.

I feel my heart break, even as I feel their hearts break.

I also feel their joy.

Each week, I share some of this joy--and this heartbreak--with listeners of our radio show.

One of this week's guests, a mother whose college-aged son committed suicide eight years ago, caused me to feel intensely vulnerable.

My own son is currently a college student. I love him as fiercely as any mother might.

I know that by loving him--by loving anyone--I put myself at risk for loss.

Yet I chose to embrace him.

I chose to embrace the mother who shared her story, and know her as "I-Thou," rather than believe that her story is unique to her, and could never become my story.

I invite you to join me in this embracing.

 

Embracing

August 2012

Listen to Dr. Lisa's conversation with Michael Chase, best-selling author and founder of The Kindness Center, and Sandra Fisher, suicide prevention advocate and mother, this Sunday on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast.

Asking the Question

When does sex stop being important?

For some people, the answer is never.

In medical school, we were taught how to take a "sexual history." We were instructed to ask about the patient's age at first intercourse, number of sexual partners and other considerations relevant to a person's risk of developing problems such as sexually transmitted disease, unexpected pregnancy and cancer.

Our questions were oriented toward reducing illness and premature death.

As a physician, I believe that reducing illness and premature death is important.

Equally important is promoting quality of life.

Sex, for many people, is a quality of life issue.

For consenting adults in a committed relationship, sex is a way to build connection.

It is a means of communication.

It is, ideally, a way of showing love.

When sex becomes impossible, due to wellness-related obstacles such as medication use or hormone imbalance, that loss may be felt acutely by both partners in a relationship.

It can significantly impact emotional health.

Yet many health care providers are not trained in how to deal with sexual concerns. We don't necessarily counsel patients about the impact of medical interventions on their sex lives--whether it is important to our patients or not.

One of my patients recently told me that her spouse was given a sheaf of papers related to the side effects of the chemotherapy he would be receiving.

Neither she, nor her spouse, received so much as a pamphlet about the impact of his cancer treatment on their sex life.

To this patient, and her spouse, sex was important.

It seems likely that many patients feel the same way--otherwise we would not be seeing record sales of erectile dysfunction remedies.

We'll never know until we ask.

Let's start asking the question.

 

Rockport Harbor

March 2013

The Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast airs each Sunday at 7 am & noon. Download the podcast through iTunes.

Peacemakers & Presidents Day

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God."

These words, from the Gospel of Matthew, came from the Sermon on the Mount.

Part of the 'beatitudes,' they represent the commentary of Jesus upon groups of people who might not consider themselves blessed: the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek.

The list goes on.

Why did one of the world's great spiritual leaders need to suggest that peacemaking was a noble enterprise?

Because the reward of peacemaking does not often come in one's own lifetime. I am reminded of this today, as we celebrate Presidents Day: a commemoration of our country's leaders, many of whom sought peace for our nation.

Many peacemakers, presidential or otherwise, find little in the way of immediate life satisfaction.

Some peacemaking lives are, in fact, cut short by those who do not appreciate the type of peace that they are attempting to manifest. Lincoln, JFK and others come to mind.

We all, whether we may realize it or not, resist ideas that seem foreign to us.

Some of us resist it so strongly that we feel called to violence.

Peacemakers often represent unpopular views. They are considered rebellious and dangerous. 

They bear the brunt of ridicule.

They are called weak, unrealistic and naive.

Yet without them, and their sacrifices, we would not see social change.

Without the peacemakers, we would not be inspired to seek peace within our own lives and within our culture.

The peacemakers remind us that peace is not passivity. It is not conflict avoidance.

It is not pretending that all is well.

Peacemaking is a conscious decision to pursue ideals for the greater good.

It is a decision to exercise compassion and love for humanity.

Even when exercising compassion and love causes personal strife.

On the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast last Sunday, I interviewed psychologist Dr. Ross Greene, who works collaboratively with children who have been cast aside as troublemakers.

He champions a disenfranchised group, rather than see them sent to juvenile detention or jail.

His approach has called for great fortitude and patience.  

A true peacemaker, he.

I was struck by his willingness to engage with those who others consider difficult. This is the ultimate love of fellow man.

Blessed are the peacemakers.

One day, perhaps not in their lifetimes, they will be called children of God.

Chichen Itza, Mexico

November 2012

To listen to Dr. Lisa's interview with Dr. Greene, download the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast through iTunes.