Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Life

Enough, and More

Love is at once complex and simple.

To love someone is often simple. We may be drawn to an individual in ways that defy cognition. We resonate to that individual--to his touch, his smell, his voice.

This part is easy. We cannot, in many cases, help who we love. We love despite ourselves.

The complexity is in the logistics.

And in the fit.

Sometimes we come to find that no matter how much we love another, our life does not fit with his. Try as we might to force this fit, it simply cannot be made to happen.

Which we may only acknowledge after years of painful trying. Perhaps, even, after marrying and having children together.

While working towards a love, and the act of loving, is highly laudable, it can also be achingly ill-advised.

Decades into a relationship, the dismantling of a shared life may be the unfortunate result.

The dismantling of shared life and love rarely takes place without a sense of bitterness and regret; sadness and frustration.

Especially when those involved feel that they have done all they could to make things fit together.

Inevitably there is a feeling of being under-appreciated for all that was attempted, typically from both sides.

When really, the issue was not "being enough."

Rather, it was having the "right fit."

It was having shared vision and goals; it was looking forward in the same direction.

It was being able to work through a complex set of logistics--or even having the desire to do so in the first place.

Love is simple, and also complex.

It should not be squandered, nor should it be taken lightly. 

It should not be assumed that a shared life is the inevitable conclusion.

It should not be assumed that a shared life cannot be made to work.

To love may be simple.

To live love, despite its complexities, near to divine.

 

Popham walk

February 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour & Podcast. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Spring Stirrings

I continue to be convinced that I am a doctor because I have much to learn.

Fortunately, my patients bring their wisdom, daily, to my door. I need only open that door and be willing to hear their stories in order to be enriched by the wealth of experience and true courage I see in their lives.

Today I sat with a patient who has arthritis in many of her joints. Her history was complicated by many medical problems, including one requiring brain surgery.

I had successfully treated my patient's arthritis pain with acupuncture in the past, in collaboration with several other highly qualified health care providers of other specialties.  My patient has, herself, taken an active role in her healing, through exercise, lifestyle and dietary changes.

I hadn't seen her for many months. This is a common occurrence with those who have been made well.

Upon her return to our office a few weeks ago, my patient admitted to being greatly discouraged by the limitation of her activities which had occurred due to a recent increase in pain.

Things looked very bleak indeed. She felt ensnared by the darkness of the Winter months.

Now several visits later, she is experiencing relief once again. Her outlook has taken a 180 degree turn.

No longer trapped by her body, she is able to once more connect with that which brings her joy.

She told me that she is often inspired by nature, and specifically by crocuses that come up in the Spring.

She loves the idea that the energy of the life force, even in its dormancy, is ever present.

She told me of the 48 dahlias she has stored in her basement, which though seemingly dead, will soon begin to exhibit growth.  They are merely waiting for the right messages from the spring season.

Just as we, if we are paying attention, might experience the messages of growth and renewal sent forth from the earth.

I was, as I often am, humbled by the gentle wisdom of my patient. 

My patient was my very own message of hope; my very own harbinger of Spring.

I am a doctor because I have much to learn.

I am blessed by those who appear at my door, willing to teach.

 

blurred brilliance

February 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

Former Home Farewell

I returned today to the house that my former husband and I once shared, with the purpose of discussing a few clean-up tasks. My former husband met me there.

Our conversation was civil (as it typically is) and businesslike.

Just before leaving, however, I asked if he had found the process as depressing as I had.

He admitted that we were of like mind.

Later in the day, he told me that he had previously refrained from returning to our shared house, because he felt as if it were mocking him.

This is the house I had lived in alone since last spring.

This is the house I moved out of because I could no longer bear the whispers of grief that bounced off of its walls.

I was surprised by how sad I felt to be in the house with my former husband. We have worked through much and have a good relationship now.

But our relationship is based on largely separate lives, rather than the one we once shared.

Returning to the "scene of the crime" brought the shared memories crashing back.

Memories of the past few years include many that cause pain to course through my heart and soul.  These are memories of an increasingly distant relationship, failed communications and deep longing for something that would never again be whole.

But with them, once the veil of sorrow parts, are other memories. Memories of three children and their laughter. Birthdays. Baseball games. Hugs. Warmth.

And gratitude. Gratitude for a home that kept us safe and sheltered.

Gratitude for a relationship that is shifting into a friendship.

Gratitude for love that I have known, and continue to know even as it takes a different form.

I wish my former husband well. I thank him for the time we shared together within the walls of our former home.

I thank him for returning with me to say goodbye.

Write-ed

Writing keeps me righted.

That is, when I have the chance to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), I am better able to maintain a sense of what is true and real. 

When the flow of words stops, something inside me stops, too.

Or at least, becomes diverted.

Returning to the words enables me to resonate more genuinely with myself and my world.

I have the great good fortune to be connected with many people, through my work, family and pastimes. 

I connect with the outdoors through my running and hiking; I connect with my soul through Qigong and singing.

Writing helps me integrate all of the above connections. It brings me into alignment with myself.

In the past few weeks (months...years...), I have increasingly put my writing aside to attend to "more important" things. 

What I have found is that there is nothing more important than self-alignment.  I have also found that when I am not aligned with myself, I tend to be more easily influenced by the emotional/physical/spiritual energy of other people--and not always for the positive. 

I end up off-kilter, questioning who I am, and what I am doing in the world.

I end up living other people's lives for them: solving problems that are not mine to solve.

I end up striving to attain ideals of perfection that other people have put forth.

I am not as easily able to resonate with my own self.

Which is a funny place to be, given what I do for work.

This week, I have begun shoehorning wordplay back into my schedule.

And, though others may suggest that other activities are more important, I know differently.

The flow of words offers a gentle healing to my world-weary soul.

I am, through writing, righted once more.

 

word/play

February 2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

We Shall Overcome

When my son was small, he came home from school one day belting out the words to We Shall Overcome:

Deep in my heart, I do believe,

We shall overcome some day.

It was touching and slightly strange to hear such a solemn hymn coming from a squeaky voiced grade-schooler.

More touching still to know how much had been overcome by the time my children arrived on the scene, years after Martin Luther King Jr's death.

Today my high school sophomore daughter reflected on the fact that we now have a president who had the opportunity to ascend to this office largely due the civil rights work of MLK and his contemporaries.

She also pointed out that there are individuals who, though they might not admit it, are even now conflicted about having a black president.

Much has been overcome, and much still remains to be overcome.

But overcoming is possible, as we have come to realize.

We have, in our country, dealt with racism/sexism and every other sort of -ism one might think of. We have seen religious intolerance and gender discrimination.

And we continue to evolve.

Our children know a world that is different than the world I knew in my childhood.

A world they might not have known had we agreed to keep living with the status quo.

As we've seen in recent books & movies such as The Help, the status quo is highly fungible. Written by novelist Kathryn Stockett, The Help was a fictionalized account of middle class segregation and the phenomonon of 'hired help,' set in Jackson, Missisippi during the 1960s. This type of segregation, disturbing to contemplate, no longer legally exists.

The fact that we have progressed past this place of race-based discrimination reminds us that change is always possible--even change that seems unlikely, given that it requires shifts in societal norms and values.

Change requires that individuals like Martin Luther King, Jr., and legions of others who have championed unpopular views, be willing to sing a different song.

It requires that we buy in to the potential of hope.

Because if, deep in our hearts enough of us believe,

then it is certain 

we shall overcome some day.

Bailey Island

2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

 

 

 

KGC

All of us have our 'demons.'

These are the entities that dance about in our heads, keeping us distracted and unable to focus.

These are our thoughts about torments, past and present. These are our fears about the future.

I like to call them "Karmic Game Changers."

But they are only KGCs if we recognize them as such. Otherwise they are simply demons.

And they are demons that will dance in our heads until we die.

If we befriend the KGCs and acknowledge their importance, they may be able to help us make important changes.

Some of us have relationship demons: past hurts and wrongs that have been done to us, and we have done to others.

Some of us have financial demons: mistakes we have made that have impacted our ability to live in a fiscally responsible manner.

Demons of every sort can be found in the minds of our fellow planet dwellers.

The more menacing and scary the demons, the more important it is to acknowledge them as KGCs.

Next time the demons begin to dance, take the time to reflect on why they are doing so at that particular time. Is there an action you are taking that might be sending you back down the wrong path?

Or is there something you could do differently?

Can you sit with your discomfort long enough to make a better decision than the one you might be making?

Can you be proactive, rather than reactive?

If you can sit with your demon discomfort and chose to be proactive (try taking a few deep breaths or counting to ten as you ponder this), you are engaging the energy of your KGCs.

Practice doing this every chance you get.

Because over time, your demons will indeed stop dancing...and eventually disappear.

Leaving you changed--and grateful for the presence of your KGCs.

 

Street & Co.

2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

Surprise Me

I favor people of the unpredictable variety.

Not outrageously unpredictable--just unpredictable enough to keep things interesting.

I especially enjoy people who surprise me with their ability to take on different roles, and transition as life transitions.

One of my tasks as a physician is to help people see patterns that keep them doing things they'd rather not.

Plenty of people see their patterns, and decide that they are not dissatisfied enough to make changes.

A small minority either don't see their patterns, or deny that they are present.

It is the people who see their patterns, and decide to become unpredictable, that bring me greatest joy.

I witness them lamenting, complaining and ultimately muddling through the issues that threaten to keep them chained to their old existence.

I see them refuse to be pigeonholed or otherwise categorized in any predictable way.

Then I meet them as they emerge on the other side of their pattern-break.

It is a wonder to behold.

And highly entertaining.

I've been a doctor long enough so that I am rarely befuddled by the change process.

I don't tend to take things personally. If people choose not to change, it is not my loss. If they choose to change, it is not my victory.

But I have the benefit of the surprise. I get to enjoy the unpredictability of the situation.

And I also get to see the unpredictable eventually become predictable in a better way, as new patterns are set in place.

I favor people of the unpredictable variety.

So go ahead.

Surprise me.

 

January morn

2012

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Subscribe to podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

Demarcation 2012

A new year waits upon our doorstep.

Around the globe, a good majority of us have decided that it is time to start fresh. We have completed yet another holiday season, and twelve prior months of daily life.

We've watched a full set of seasons evolve.

We have, if we are honest with ourselves, known change. Some of us more than others.

We have, if we are honest with ourselves, known blessings of both the wanted and unwanted variety.

And these final few days of 2011 provide us with the chance to evaluate all of the above.

Though I have never been a "resolution" person (given that I'm not firmly "resolute" by nature), I do believe in the power of intention.

I believe that we have the ability to look at ourselves, and make conscious decisions that will enable us to impact our lives for the better.

These decisions may not be easy, and the implementation of behaviors to back these decisions less easy still.

But if we put forth what we intend for our lives, we are far more likely to act in this direction than if we make no such designation.

And our lives are far more likely to make opportunities available for us.

Simultaneously, if we are grateful for that which blesses us, we are far more likely to know future blessing.

Thus, in these waning hours of 2011, I join my friends and loved ones in welcoming the year that waits patiently upon our doorstep.

And offer the hope that all may know future blessings which might bring to fruition all that we intend.

 

demarcation, Umbagog

December 2011

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Download podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love & Let Go

When I was growing up, there was a poster on the wall of the backstage dressing room at our school that proclaimed, "If you love something, set it free." The gist is that if that something returned, it would then be yours to love. If not, it never was.

There are many variations on this quote. They all have the same basic message: do not seek to hold tight to that which you love. Instead, love and let go.

A very Buddhist notion this. That of detachment.

The call to connection is fierce within the human psyche. It is hard-wired within us.

When we love someone passionately, whether it be our child or our dearest one, we want to be with that person.

We are drawn to that person, often in ways and to an extent inexplicable.

But the stronger the attraction, the more important it is to allow for freedom within the relationship.

We must be able to let others live their own lives, and seek their happiness. The hope is that their happiness might include us.

Sometimes it will; sometimes it won't.

But love cannot be forced.

A forced love is not love. It is control. It is possession.

And if we are honest with ourselves, we realize that in the long term, forced love is not what we want.

We do not others to feel obliged to love us.

I used to visit a relative who would say upon my arrival, "I'm so glad you are FINALLY here. I wish you could come more often. It seems like you are never around."

The visit began with my feeling simultaneously trapped and repulsed by the vast need inherent in her words.

I understood what she was saying. She was saying, "I love you and I wish I had the chance to see you more often." But her words instead left me feeling that my efforts were not enough.

It was hard to remain loving in that situation. Not that I didn't try.

I now have a small placard, recently purchased, that says, "Treat others as you would have them treat you."

For me, this means, letting people I love go, when it is time for them to go.

And welcoming them back when they return, releasing expectations.

It means--as suggested by the dressing room poster long ago--loving them enough to set them free.

 

river ice

December 2011

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Dr. Lisa's Bountiful Blog is read weekly on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. Show summaries are available on the Dr. Lisa website. Download podcasts of the show through iTunes and let us know what you think!

Schedule a phone or office consult with Dr. Lisa at 207 847 9393.

 

 

 

 

 

Cotton-Headed Ninnymoggins

If I was told I must relinquish all of my Christmas movies, keeping only one, I would chose Elf.

I didn't realize exactly why I found Elf so appealing until I watched the movie with my dearest one a few weeks ago.

He illuminated the situation for me: he suggested that I like Elf because I AM Elf.

No, I am not an overgrown curly-headed male who wears tights around New York City and puts syrup on his spaghetti. Rather, I am a firm believer in the spirit of Christmas, and the importance of faith and hope.

I also believe in generosity, compassion and love.

This puts me in a funny place at times, and especially so this holiday season.

This season, my first one as a divorced mother, I've had to reconfigure what Christmas looks like mentally and emotionally.

I've spent more time alone this holiday season--this entire year, in fact--than ever in my life.

And this has not been easy. I've must admit I've had my moments of sadness and despair.

But equally so, wonderment. I've come to realize that I can be a placeholder for Christmas spirit, faith and hope, all by myself. I can keep attempting to manifest love and generosity.

I can keep decking the halls regardless of who may be nearby.

Mary, as the story goes, gave birth to Jesus in less than ideal circumstances.

Good King Wenceslas kept treading "though the frost was cruel."

And Elf kept spreading cheer even when he was roundly rejected by his father and others for his inability to fit the mainstream model.

I guess I figure if Elf and his friends can convince a city full of New York cynics to lift a sleigh with their singing, I can keep believing in Christmas even when the chips are down.

No cotton-headed ninnymoggins am I.

Happy Christmas Eve, dear readers. Wishing you all the blessings of the night.

And remember, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear."

No matter who may (or may not) be listening.