Some days we wake up and find it hard to move. It is a challenge just to face the hours ahead. At the end of these days (and sometimes at the end of others that started well enough) we sink into bed, grateful for a bit of respite from our life.
When these days begin to pile atop one another, it can be hard to see the good in our existence.
Then, when a day pokes itself out of the mud and reveals itself to be a beautiful spring bloom, we find ourselves humbled and grateful.
Today has been one of these days.
Lately I have spent more than my fair share of minutes wondering exactly who I am, and what I am meant to be doing in this life. I have had serious doubts about my place in this world.
I have wanted to escape, so many times, from the messiness and uncertainty that surrounds me.
But escape was (is) not truly possible. I have children who need me. Patients who depend on me. Friends and family who care for me.
Thus I have made my way along, navigating an overflow of tears, simultaneously buoyed and paralyzed by sorrow, wearing an ill-fitting life jacket of anger and regret.
What a difference a day makes.
This week I have experienced a modicum of normalcy. My children are happy. My patients are well. This normalcy is a welcome and refreshing change.
It is hard to know how long this normalcy will last. Hard to know when the next spring bloom of a day will appear.
But it is harder still to take this sort of day for granted.
So today, I rejoice. Quietly; loudly.
I send my friends emails and texts delineating my blessings. I leave phone messages describing my small triumphs.
To those who might observe my life, these happenings may seem trite. But I know my friends understand my happiness. They comprehend my sweet relief.
My friends have been privy to similar moments of recent happiness, just as they have been privy to similar occasions of slightly more remote pain.
Fortunate am I to have such friends.
Fortunate am I to have such a life.
Fortunate am I to have awoken to--and eventually falling asleep in gratitude for--this beautiful spring bloom of a day.
Old Orchard, off season